Many men have fallen in the face of grace, many women wallowing under the scrutiny of pride. For me it was not grace that caused my fall, it was the hero complex.
The masculine curse to do the right thing. Self sacrifice as some call it. A laugh bubbles up in my mind at how stupid it sounds. With it a deep fire of hatred burning me from the inside, reminding me.
I left Liston Hills , I left Dainy and all my friends behind for one thing, one reason. I was protecting them. I was protecting her most of all.
Now look at me, I have lost more than I bargained. My Vixen is still out of reach, hurting me, pushing the blade deeper until I have nothing left but hatred, yet I still protect her.
These past few weeks I have taken more females to my bed than I had in the past year. I look at myself in the mirror wondering if I am the beginnings of a monster.
I am capable of murder, I am capable of hatred and revenge. And everyday, a longer wait for my Vixen is everyday my heart freezes , closes.
I stare out the window of the third floor of The Delroy Mansion watching Dainy jump into the Jet, but my eyes don’t pause on her as they normally do. My eyes go to the jaded one, that was once like me, Kylie Bray.
She once loved, not long ago and now look at her. She smiles when she feels the need to, does as she has to, but behind it all she is as hard as a steel volt.
I saw Kylie a few weeks back, with Dainy, Jace and Dexter. I barely recognized the Bray heiress.
Her eyes that once flickered with youth, love, passion and a drive for life ,were dim, dying a painful excruciating death.
I saw Kylie again this morning when she landed upon my request to get Dainy away from here for the weekend. She didn’t give me any of her false pretences she kept for some people. She let me see the death in her eyes, the monster she was slowly becoming.
I wasn’t surprised, because my father and many of our fathers have that same look. We are born in money , but we are cursed in love. People like us aren’t happy. We are too greedy.
Lies, become more lies, murder becomes a natural part of life and the secrets, the secrets pile up. They eat away at our soul. Until we are nothing but a shell of hard shield.
Honed to keep moving, driven to succeed. And no matter who, or what stands in our way we are taught that there is no other way but to remove the obstacles.
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