Posted in #blogs, Author Shan R.K, dating in the modern world

1 Month Of Answering That Big Question “What is dating in the modern world”

In a nutshell “The sunrise before the storm.”

It is that short moment of smiles and butterflies. Most of the time it begins with that kiss and ends in those tears and that on going depression. Note I said ‘those tears’ because let us face it, the tears always pour.

Dating today can be amazing. It could be so amazing that you stop and think for just a second that it is a dream. An unimaginable dream as you stare at that person and have your whole life flash by. The past becomes a worthy story, the present a place that is perfect and the future that once seemed dim, blooms with possibilities.

My first month of research gone. What have I learned? I learned that what meets the eyes isn’t exactly what one is getting. In fact it is the opposite. The Christian Grey is far and in between. That Elvis Presley, James Dean gorgeous man is not going to change his ways because you wore that black dress and paid for a fancy makeover. And that tattooed bad boy that reminds you of Jason Momoa isn’t going to change his helmet and one night stands because you waited a day longer than the rest. Nah, what I have learned, is that those guys go for those women who don’t bother with the dress, the fancy make up and even the ‘wait before the third date’ sex. They go for those women who will break them more. (Sorry ladies)

And what about you men, that girl that is always smiling in the corridor of your work place that reminds you of Jessica Alba or Cara Delevingne, isn’t going to notice you because you decided to get yourself a six pack, or grow a beard (They are a hot trend now). They are going to go for their boss or some well known guy that is going to put that big diamond on their finger. And guys, he isn’t going to be anything to cringe about nor drool over. But he will make her stop and strike a conversation with him, so who cares. (Sad but true, so far).

Dating in this modern world, is not a ‘what you get what you see scenario’. It is a tidal of lies, a mirror of differences and a story of fleeting twists. Sometimes, I swear it is so close to a romance novel and at other times it is something from a nightmare or really depressing thriller.

Regardless, those who search for that special someone or perfect bed warmer, keep putting themselves through the endless game of the heart, or brain (I was told recently that love is a head space, that emotions are just the mind telling you what to do).

A few months back, I came up with this idea of writing a book about dating in a modern world. I sort of tested the waters at first with a few people to see their reaction (It wasn’t pleasant). But I am known to do my own thing, and proceeded regardless of the opinions of others, (It is my life, time and energy). I hooked myself up on a date site/s. The thought crossed my mind to lie and make up a fake profile but I chose honesty. My gran used to tell me that lies hurt when it is found, but the truth kills instantly and eventually brings one to life. I believe she had a point to her words and I live by them.

Two years ago, I myself became a single woman. It does feel like a bit longer, (I am still single). I have dated since my disaster marriage and went through the motions but it felt empty. Those relationships felt empty, like I was missing something.

What? I am trying to figure out as I proceed with this book.

It is amazing at how brass and fast people move today. It scared the romance right out of me and left it on the floor in a puddle of defeat. I chose a while back, that I wasn’t going to get myself caught up in the new way society look at dating and the ways in which they proceed. It was a conscious decision and I am glad I have stuck to my guns. (Though I am known to be a ‘runner’ so says my mother). It just means I am too fast to catch, nothing really wrong with that. Not my fault they are too slow. (Just Kidding).

So one month of research and talking to so many different people has really got me thinking about the future and how exactly this story is going to unfold. I have met so many different individuals.

Yes, I do get asked out a lot (I was warned before I started the book). I admit that I did get a bit side tracked and fell for a bit of charm and finesse. It was a fleeting moment, and reminded me that I am in fact human, I do feel emotions. Obviously nothing came out of it and I am back on track, but between you and I, I wish that I would meet someone who will last long enough for me to at least finish a book about our story. But as optimism still blooms brightly in my soul, I believe my cowboy is watching that sky darken until the stars tell stories of their lovers past. He is waiting for me with his heart full of love and his brain wanting to be filled with memories of us. But for now, he is growing, breathing and just waiting. I wait too.

This month has been an eye opener for me. I started this journey skeptical, convinced that I would only find fault, but I have found so much more. I have found strength, friends, people that still keep their heads up after getting beaten and cheated on.

There is wonder in this world, stories that lay in the minds, screaming to be revealed, teaching us that we are so much greater than our past, better than what is seen through a strangers eyes. Face the facts, anyone that has come into your life, is that – A stranger. Whether they have known you for 10 minutes or 10 years, they are and will always be strangers. You are the only one who will ever know you. So love yourself better than you love anyone. Trust yourself first, before you trust anyone else and choose yourself above most.

It is hard at times to make these choices, but as my journey progresses and I learn more, I realize each day that the world looks at you through your own eyes.

And for those of you who have kids, our kids are our greatest treasures, our biggest accomplishment/s. They are the product of what we teach them, the hours of our life we give and don’t want back. One day when they become adults they will teach their owns kids and pave their own way, so let us guide them in a direction of truth, love, and knowledge. Teach them, love them, but do not make them weak. The world is one filled with chaos that can be dark but also just as wild and free.

Author:

Multi Genre Author

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