Posted in #books, Author Shan R.K

My New Years Confession

Hello everyone and a Happy New Year to all of you. It has been a while since I last blogged about anything really. The truth is, I have wrote, and deleted at least a thousand words explaining to why this is the case. Truth? I didn’t know how to tell almost three thousand people why I have been slacking (I use the word slacking with great emphasis) with all major parts in my life. I do not believe in the thrill or joy a New Year brings, but I do believe in taking a new turn in life, changing your path. I believe that when you hit your rock bottom you have to admit your faults and your discrepancies to yourself first. Then you have to apologize to everyone else. So without further a due. Let me try this again . I AM SORRY FOR MY LACK OF PROFESSIONALISM. I AM SORRY FOR NOT DELIVERING THE STUFF I INTENDED TO DELIVER. I APOLOGIZE FOR LETTING MY PERSONAL ISSUES GET IN THE WAY OF MY DREAM AND THIS VISION WE WERE CREATING TOGETHER. I AM MOST IMPORTANTLY SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN. I have no excuses and I am not going to make any. I started writing four years ago and on March 25th I will be a Self Published Author for three of those years. Writing is everything to me, which to many reading this sounds sad but it is not sad to me. I fell a long time ago, my life has never been a normal one (lightly speaking). I had a lot of challenges like many of you. But I blocked it out because I didn’t want my past, or where I came from to define me. I want to define myself. People like to believe that your past plays a role in your life, and it does to an extent. That extent is your choosing. I have seen people that come from the worst places you can imagine filled with drugs and prostitution, who made choices that were hard, and difficult so that they don’t amount to what society thinks. It amazed me then and still amazes me now. It gives the world hope for change if you just open your eyes and see. Stop just looking, start taking it all in. Understand, learn, and become who you are meant to be. I was still realizing these things, learning so much, and I got lost along my path of discovery. Not many of you know this, but my ex husband was the one who got me to sit down on his desk chair and put the laptop in front of me. He said write, just write your stories down. (He is definitely reading this and smiling) Coming from a surgeon I was shocked, but for all his faults he is a wise man so I DID. And with writing books and losing myself in words I became whole for those moments. I started to reevaluate my life, teaching myself something I didn’t know I could even do. I used to write from three in the morning ’till ten or eleven at night. I was writing a story about demons and angels, Lightwatchers and Asgaurdians, but I was also living in that world. For those hours I was a girl with the world counting on her to defeat Hell. What I didn’t realize is subconsciously I was learning to breathe. I was finding me. The battle was really with myself, my own demons, my own sins, and mistakes all tumbled up into a kick ass story. My book flunked when I finally published it (In case you wondering), but I made a box of copies and handed it out to a few people. They said it was brilliant and that was good enough for me, because you see, writing a story to me, is not for the praise, or the glory or fame. Writing to me is telling you a story, is opening myself up to you, the reader. I am sharing all those hours I put into that book with you. It is an invitation to a whole new world. I am screaming in my words, yelling at you, calling you to just read me. Whether you enjoyed the book it is up to you, the reader. I am the one who wrote it, so of course I loved it, for every word written and every scene played is all in my mind and now on paper. I like to think of it as this- My books are from my brain, so when you review me, you should ask yourself did you like my brain. (it sounds stupid, but it is something to mule over) So after that book, House of Legions, I decided to write another book. This one many of you know, it is called Beggar, obviously the book sold A LOT of copies and it set off a chain of events- the blog, website, my first failed attempt on facebook. I also grew as a person, started looking at the world through other peoples eyes. Trying to understand characters, what makes up a persons persona. I read a lot, traveled, got divorced. Then I lost it all and at the time I felt low, lonely and I was just writing really dark stuff. Sometimes my hands would start to shake so I did what any author should not. I became a ghost writer, started writing scenes under another name. I joined one of the researching companies, did some research, then joined a publishing magazine. I started handing in my poetry, also under a different name (they published seven of them, crazy right?). I started posting poetry on Instagram, then published my own poetry book, (that flunked badly) I didn’t care that it did. But while doing all of this, I slowly started to discover someone I never knew (myself). Years ago I was a simple woman who never had the desire to have friends, who didn’t see the importance of family besides my little girl. It took me the year of 2018 to discover that I am human. I feel emotion, I like having friends and I love my family. I connected with people, some in my life for a seasonal smile, others in my life for a reason to smile. I learned a lot in 2018, I even learned the stress of being a single mother with no job and a kid who still smiles when you say no. And that people might be nice to you, but they are not always your friends. I learned that we meet people in our lives for different reasons, not all of them are good ones. I experienced tears of joy. The heaviness of great loss. An untold agony of hurt. To many of you, this is your life, it is life. Trials and errors. For me, I feel that I have only started paving my own life. From a sheltered girl in a small town to the woman I am today I am proud of who I am. Everyday it gets easier to understand the one who stares back at me from my bathroom mirror. I am no more lost because I have found my place and writing stories, sharing words with all of you is part of that place I call home. So I want to start again. My name is Shan R.K and I am an Author and blogger. I have a beautiful and intelligent daughter that talks at least 3000 words an hour on a quiet day. I am a reading addict, so much so that I have mastered the art of cooking and reading to the T. I have never been on a live podcast or video because I always chicken out. I am convinced I have a bad voice. My mother is crazy, who loves to control everybody ( at least she tries) that I love. My dad is scary on most days but he can crack a joke better than most comedians and dance worst than a chicken with no legs. (Sorry dad) I hate cooking, but I am really good at it, especially 20 minute meals, which I tend to do a lot of. Most of the time the stuff that comes out of my mouth is mostly book related. I have a dog that lives with my ex husband. His name is Falcor (yes, like never ending story), he is born on April 9th just like me. I have a secret desire to be a vigilante and save the world (I am keeping that one for the books). I am a terrible driver. I have written my learners like four times and still no licence (sucks a lot at times, nay for me, and yay for Uber). Most nights I have insomnia so I tend to write a lot of stuff that I will never publish because you guys would think I am seriously a nutjob. But sometimes my mind just comes up with these crazy stories and I have to put it down to paper. My favorite color is red on most days except when I am hormonal, then it is black because it is all I want to wear. No matter how hot it is I still sleep with a blanket. I have this crazy idea in my head that if I don’t I will get old quickly, (I said Crazy) And from right now, I promise to fulfill my promise to all of you and give you guys the best books you have ever read and continue my blog with the Liston Hills Series. This year 2019 I am going to take my life lessons, and break my own record. I feel it is going to be a fulfilling year. I am going to go live soon on Instagram and overcome my fear of ‘live’ social media. It is going to be an eye opener for me and the ones who watch. We are going to need a lot of coffee once I start that.

Thank you guys for reading this. I think this is the most I have ever spoken about myself in one sitting but I believe time is wasting so it is best to just put it all out there. Move on. Forward.

Tomorrow I will post the release dates of the books and start prepping for Liston Hills which will be returning February 4th. Poster and trailers will be going up soon.

What I want to do is open comments on the blog and really bring you all together. So let me know what you guys think and if you have any suggestions please do let me know. I love people with a voice.

Posted in #books, Author Shan R.K, Kylie Bray

Kylie Bray (Excerpt 2)

“Sweet thang, I thought it was you.” Storm’s voice has me spinning so
fast I almost tumble and fall. Instead of falling and tumbling to the hard
ground and damaging my new dress and perfect skin, Vincent grabs my
arm, pulling me into his chest.

“This conversation is far from over Kylie, you and I are not done.” His
whispered words are heard clearly in my ear before he gives me a gentle
push.

Just as I right myself, Storm’s arm is wrapped around my waist.

“Miss me Sweet girl.” His words aren’t just a question to me but a statement and warning to Vincent.

Storm is territorial, he is claiming me like the biker he is. I think it is sweet, cute but really unnecessary.

It is Christmas and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s mood so I let it slide
and walk with Storm to the bonfire ignoring the man with the face that
owns my soul staring daggers into my head.

“Thought you haven’t seen the guy in a while.” Storm points out as his fingers flex around my waist.

“I didn’t, guess he decided to show up for Christmas this year, past him as I was leaving.”

He chuckles, “When I sent the invite didn’t think you would show.”

“Gotta keep a man on his feet if he wants you in his bed.” I drawl, knowing he likes it when I do that.

He shakes his head with a big grin to his face, “Does that said man get a kiss.”

I stop walking. We are on the corner of the farm house, the bonfire just on the hill with at least forty bikers. I hear their lively shouts and curses and howling laughs.

I look at Storm, slip my backpack off my shoulder and shove it in to his chest.

Storm laughs and I admit the guy has a really good laugh, who knew a biker could be so darn cute with dimples. More so today, I can see he is glad I made it, and I admit I am glad I came too. Though my reasons are very different. It is refreshing that tonight I, Kylie Bray have a man who is happy to see me. Even if it isn’t the one I want.

I move to carry on with our trek, he stops me by grabbing my arm in a gentle yet firm caress, his eyes serious as he looks at me under the
outside lights.

Storm drops my bag, pulls me by my arm until I am plastered to his body, capturing my chin between his roughened fingers.

I tilt my head, staring at him, I don’t think a thought and neither does he as our mouths meet in a languid dual of star crossed lovers. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and we kiss for the first time like we are more than just us.

Storm takes my mouth like I am his, and I don’t stop him. I don’t even allow myself an opportunity to come to my senses and slow things down.

I kiss Storm like we could have something, I kiss him with a false sense of hope.

That night was the night I would say Storm moved himself into my life.

It was on that day on the corner of the Satan Snipers clubhouse, under bright lights and watching eyes of a man that I didn’t know was watching
did the Satan Sniper’s vice president and I start our story.

I’m not going to say that it didn’t end well, I am not going to say that It wasn’t my fault he turned out the way he did.

Truth is, we are all pro choice, but sometimes our choices become duty,
sometimes those duties have consequences that alter so many peoples paths. Changes so many lives. Sometimes our choices are not our own, they are the outcome of peoples actions.

Get it on amazon – https://www.amazon.com/Kylie-Bray-Made-Stone-heart-ebook/dp/B079HV95VW

Posted in Author Shan R.K, Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 12)

Mason


“Book me a flight.” I say, just as I finish off the last of my dinner.
“Why can’t you take the jet.” Because if our father finds out I left the house after he grounded me he is going to fuck me up. I think it, but I don’t tell Kylie that instead I bellow

“Fuck no, book me a damn flight, I’m on my way to the airport.” 

“Then make tracks, I’ll send you the confirmation. “ She snaps back in that bossy tone of hers.

“Yeah, yeah. Later.” The phone goes dead on my ear, which is a normal with my sister. 

When Kylie was younger, my sister Natasha and I had just moved in permanently with my dad. My mom died not long after that, and Kylie’s mother upped and left. One would expect our circumstances to have brought us closer but it didn’t. 
Kylie preferred to spend her days with my father. Most of the time they would fly to Washington and spend weekends at my dads penthouse. While Natasha stayed with Lisa, my dad’s sister here at the house. I was a lost eight year old with nothing to do and no one to talk to so I got bored and purchased myself a pair of binoculars from the local mall. Best thing I ever did. The same day I bought it was the same day I met Dexter. Turned out he stayed three houses away from me. Turned out he didn’t have a mother. Turned out he was just as eager to spy on the locals as I was. 
It turned out a lot of things we thought and did were similar. Which is why him and I became so close. I get up off the breakfast nook, grab my phone, walking toward the long spiral staircase I run up three flights of stairs, then speed dial Dexter.
It rings three times, “Hey, hey motherfucker.” He yells from the other end of the line.

“Jackass, how did the meeting with Sabastian go?” I ask him as I take the long hall toward the packing closets where Kendra, our housekeeper leaves the travelling bags.
“Some dude is threatening Sabastian by threatening Dainy. Got to do some digging, you up for it?” That is the thing about Dexter and I nobody knows. We are worse than women , we tell each other everything and also help one another. 

Most of the time I am the one who helps him. After his dad died he inherited his family fortune as well as his families debt that was only payable in time. 

And I meant time as in his obedience to be Delroys dirt cleaner and genie. Whatever the Delroys needed they would get it from Dexter. For the rest of his life he would have to work for the Delroys. Doing all their dirty work, cleaning up all their messes, finding all of their fucked shit art pieces they were so keen on collecting. It was a fucked up gig if you ask me, but blood is blood, we inherit the money and name we got to inherit the shit that come with it too.
“Yeah, but I called to cancel for tonight, Kylie offered me her bike if I babysit Dainy Hallow for the weekend, we need the bike.”

Any comments and suggestions need to be sent via email :- shanaazk47@gmail.com

And a big welcome to all our new subscribers.

If you guys wish to catch up from season one and two please good school me part 1 😊 or school me p2 

Posted in Uncategorized

Kylie Bray release and behind the scenes 

Kylie Bray will be released next week and while I , myself am very excited to share this story I will be blogging with a behind the scenes and thoughts writing this piece. 
I have changed this book five times and I have delayed it just as many and the time has never felt write to publish and I kept publishing other work.
Unlike my other books Kylie Bray is a reflection of me, it is an emotional struggle of addiction, a certain type of addiction that psychologists won’t be able to explain. But many suffer it in silence. 
And this book is dedicated to these people, and those of you who suffer in constant rejection and inner weakness for loving people who will never love you back. 
It is dedicated to people who find themselves in love with bad people that do bad things. It is dedicated to those who don’t know how it feels for a man to wrap his arms from behind while you standing in the TV room and whisper sweet nothing in your ear. 

This book is dedicated to all those men who don’t know how to love, men who don’t know how to show affection. To all those men misunderstood. I dedicate Kylie Bray to all of these people.

A strong mind is just as beautiful as a Sharp face ….. Michael Stone 

Posted in Author Shan R.K, Newsletters, Uncategorized

Word of thought

Recently I have acquired myself a collection of non fiction books about self growth, worth and learning to let go. 

I have read prose, poetry and compilation of compositions from Esteemed authors in the field. 

I feel I shouldn’t mention names. 

With that said I am a curious mind, most of us are. We thinkers and actors. Seeking knowledge to gain some direction. 

Yesterday I was three quarter way through one of these books when I shut it. 
And I would like to say something to all my subscribers and to all of you bloggers or even other people who come across this post. 

You are an individual, you are your own person. 

The only guidance you need is yourself, the only person that can make you happy, or feel better is you.

You can heal yourself from emotional problems. 

You don’t need a book, or a twenty minute inspirational speech to tell you that you can achieve your ambitions. 

How good you are at something is not how good you can be. Unless you are the perfected version of yourself , then you will have the will, the drive to succeed to keep moving. 

Your strength lays in weight within you. And I mean weight not wait, because it gets heavy just sitting there, waiting for you to understand that your world is only as good as your mindset. 


Next time you have a few minutes to yourself go to your mirror , look at yourself and say that I am strong, I am powerful , I will find a way. Because I can tell you all as the sun shines in the morning and sets in the evening time is not waiting on you. You need to use those moments to pave your future you want now!!! Stop waiting , stop doubting ,stop wasting your time. This is your year, your month , your days, your hours. Spend it doing what you want to do. 

Months ago I made decisions for myself ,I took my independence, I took my mind back, I took those things that someone tried to steal from me. Because it was those months ago that I realised that my choices, my life was my own. Take yours. Be your happiness, be your ambition and be your perfect 


Posted in Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 9)

Sabastian

He finishes off his warm whiskey, “Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining. Hell, cut me in, not like I have a choice but if the choice was there. Pick me, It’s just that this shit is going to bite us in the ass and I’m going to be the one cleaning this fucking mess up.”
“True, but there is no way we can tell Dainy the truth, right now she is already living with a weight on her shoulder.” I say 
“We are living with problems Sabastian, between you and mine that is enough to give a normal man a stroke.”

 
“Yes, but we not normal, we are born from lies, I myself have spun my own web, it’s already strengthened with the amount I have told.” I say this as my eyes go to my fingers on the armrest staring at the my family Crest, my namesake, the Delroy ring.
“We are destined to be like the men before us, aren’t we.” Dexter’s statement sounds like he is talking about prison time. And maybe the Guy’s father just worked for my dad but Kent and I are friends. We grew up together. Not meaning that I would be calling him my best mate but the guy certainly has the potential.
“Destined? No, I think the word is expected. Can’t leave the world to be run by arrogant asses who don’t know the difference between borrow and lend. Plus you gonna love looking for those shit pieces my dad collects. Trust me.” 

 

Posted in Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 6)

Sabastian

We sitting downstairs on the deck, the outside breakfast table set with a variety of cheese, 

fruit , nuts, and cold meat. 

I’m sipping on my ice tea, whilst my father reads the paper. 

The Suns rays shinning directly on the swimming pool when my phone chimes. 

I admit that my first thought is Dainy but that hope quickly dies a humiliating death, she 

won’t be dialling out as she is with Kylie and one of the things I asked Kylie to do was keep 

my vixen busy these next two days .

“Delroy.” I say, answering the blocked number.

“Stop digging or you and your little bitch will be wearing orange suits pretty fucking soon.” 

The call is cut, and the male raspy voice rings in my ear. 

I remain cool and collective even though I am completely pissed off. My father remains 

reading and I push my chair back in a polite manner. 

“Not finishing your tea? Did Sheila make it too sweet ?” My father asks not dropping the 

paper from his face.

“Tea was lovely as always, I’ve got some business needing my attention, I will see you tonight dad.” 

I button up my suit jacket and walk around the house. 

My mind, body, even my blood is wanting to run and track this fucker down, 

then destroy him. 

Nobody threatens my Vixen and gets away with it. 

As I round the corner phone still in my hand I speed dial Kent. 

“If it can’t wait until next week don’t let me know. I’m stacked,” He says in greeting

Normally I find his dry sarcasm slightly amusing, today somebody I don’t now got a hold of my number. 

Today some strange man threatened Dainy

Today I think I just might have found out who killed Gina

“Meet me at the cabin, someone just threatened Dainy.” I put the phone down but not before I hear his muttered fuck. 

Posted in Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 5)

Sabastian 

“Didn’t know you were up here.” 

My father’s voice drives the imminent silence in the room, taking my attention away from the two women as I turn to face him. 

I slip my hands in my pants pocket mirroring his pose. 

“Thought I would stay the weekend, since the event is tonight.” I say

“Yes, I would’ve thought you’d invite Dainy.” 

I smile at my fathers attempt to snoop, “Not yet, I never liked catfishing.”

He laughs, “It has its disadvantages, but still the best way to catch a big fish.”

Shaking my head my smile widens as I move a few steps closer to my father who is standing by the oak stained door.

“I’ll keep that in mind old man.”

He closes the gap between us. 

My father is at least four inches taller in height. 

He puts his hand on my shoulder, making sure he has my full attention. 

Which he always does.

“I’m proud of you son, you did what you had to, you protected her. That is a man Sabastian. Us Delroys, we only love once, she will come back.” 

He looks pass me when he says that , his mind going somewhere in the past. 

It isn’t the first time I wonder about his special woman. 

My grandfather once told me that my father was in love with his best friend, until she fell in love with someone else, a man from the other side of the tracks. 

I never did know who it was that ripped my father’s heart.   

He seems to catch his brain somewhere. 

Dropping his hand from my shoulder, shoving it into his pocket, he smiles tightly. 

His shadows and secrets there for me to see, but my father is such an accomplished man that even I wouldn’t dare cross him, or question him.

“Let’s go have lunch son.” The sound of the Jet sounds the air as he finishes that sentence, and It takes everything in me not to turn  around. 

So to all of you new folks welcome… 

To find out more about school me and what’s it about please check the menu on my website….Alternatively you may email me on shanaazk47@gmail.com

School me will be posted Tuesdays to Fridays. Where as the past two seasons were posted from Mondays to Thursdays. 

All comments and suggestions are always accepted…

Enjoy the rest of your week and don’t forget to stay awesome

Posted in Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 4)

Sabastian

Many men have fallen in the face of grace, many women wallowing under the scrutiny of pride. For me it was not grace that caused my fall, it was the hero complex. 

The masculine curse to do the right thing. Self sacrifice as some call it. A laugh bubbles up in my mind at how stupid it sounds. With it a deep fire of hatred burning me from the inside, reminding me.

I left Liston Hills , I left Dainy and all my friends behind for one thing, one reason. I was protecting them. I was protecting her most of all. 

Now look at me, I have lost more than I bargained. My Vixen is still out of reach, hurting me, pushing the blade deeper until I have nothing left but hatred, yet I still protect her.

These past few weeks I have taken more females to my bed than I had in the past year. I look at myself in the mirror wondering if I am the beginnings of a monster. 

I am capable of murder, I am capable of hatred and revenge. And everyday, a longer wait for my Vixen is everyday my heart freezes , closes. 

I stare out the window of the third floor of The Delroy Mansion watching Dainy jump into the Jet, but my eyes don’t pause on her as they normally do. My eyes go to the jaded one, that was once like me, Kylie Bray. 

She once loved, not long ago and now look at her. She smiles when she feels the need to, does as she has to, but behind it all she is as hard as a steel volt. 

I saw Kylie a few weeks back, with Dainy, Jace and Dexter. I barely recognized the Bray heiress. 

Her eyes that once flickered with youth, love, passion and a drive for life ,were dim, dying a painful excruciating death. 

I saw Kylie again this morning when she landed upon my request to get Dainy away from here for the weekend. She didn’t give me any of her false pretences she kept for some people. She let me see the death in her eyes, the monster she was slowly becoming. 

I wasn’t surprised, because my father and many of our fathers have that same look. We are born in money , but we are cursed in love. People like us aren’t happy. We are too greedy

Lies, become more lies, murder becomes a natural part of life and the secrets, the secrets pile up. They eat away at our soul. Until we are nothing but a shell of hard shield.

Honed to keep moving, driven to succeed. And no matter who, or what stands in our way we are taught that there is no other way but to remove the obstacles

So to all of you new folks welcome… 

To find out more about school me and what’s it about please check the menu on my website….Alternatively you may email me on shanaazk47@gmail.com

School me will be posted Tuesdays to Fridays. Where as the past two seasons were posted from Mondays to Thursdays. 

All comments and suggestions are always accepted…

Enjoy the rest of your week and don’t forget to stay awesome



Posted in Liston hills, Uncategorized

School me p3 (page 2)

Dainy



I don’t hate lying and as many would convince themselves they do I would not, because lying will eventually be the strongest tool I have once Reagan finds out about my involvement with his dead mother. 
I do however despise the idea of doing it to protect myself against my own boyfriend. The same boyfriend that brings me cherries every morning. The guy that whispers delicious sensual promises in my ear at night.
There are mornings when I wake up and ask myself will today be the day that Reagan finds out the truth. I’m not going to make it easy for him if he does.

Reagan can’t just leave me.

I have wanted Reagan Orniel since I started liking boys, I loved the guy. He was my neighbor, my friend and now finally he is my lover
It isn’t the first time I think that, does my heart and mind go to war. 

My heart always beats faster, harder when Sabastian is  around, or he crosses my mind. 

But my mind , my mind warns me of his hurt, of the pain and power he wielded over me.

My mind cautions me of the moment he destroyed me without even a shred of guilt, he didn’t even have to face me, touch me.

“Dainy, Get your ass down here now, we gotta move bitch” That Southern belle voice perks me up, and brings my mood to a high

I was just sitting on my bed and staring at the blank, blackened screen of my phone. 

My denim shorts pulled up to the top of my thighs. My white vest blocked by the fan of my open blonde hair. 

Upon hearing that voice I am off my bed and rushing out the door in less than a minute

My feet take the stairs two at a time and right there by the end of the staircase dressed in tight hip hugging black denims , boots, and a body every woman envies and every man dreams about is Kylie fucking Bray

We hug each other, and it isn’t new to me that my face goes right to breasts.

“Are we living or dying? You said eleven its nine.” I take a step away from her embrace giving her eyes my own.

Since the night Reagan went missing Kylie and I have become closer friends. At first I found it weird she was calling me up, I mean she is a Bray, and it’s Kylie , 

She is a legend what would she want with me.

But I soon learnt that she just wanted to be friends. This weekend would be the first one I spend at her place in Washington, it is why she’s currently standing in my house and my bags are packed by the door. 

Comments and Ideas can be sent to shanRk@zoho.com or shanaazk47@gmail.com and of course posted on the blog or my web page. Tomorrow I will be posting some teasers for Kylie Bray as well as School Me 

For those of you who haven’t read the first two seasons of School me, the links are below

School me part 1

School me part 2

Recommended songs for this week- reputation“>Taylor Swift